Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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