Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(985): View more from Louisiana

for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar

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(716): View more from New York

oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear

(1-716): View more from New York

The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear

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(785): View more from Kansas

I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls

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