so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
