Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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