i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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