Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
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what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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