When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
