You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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