on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
