they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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