Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
