i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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