cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
