Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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