Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
