Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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