she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
