Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
