Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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