Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
