oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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