He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
