I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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