the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
