I feel like abortions should bother me more
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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