I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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