Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
