My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
