somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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