You're my little dorito
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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