I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
