I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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