Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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