i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
