Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
is it fun? or sober?
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