dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
