There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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