so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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