You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
