You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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