would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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