he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
