Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
