Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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