I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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