Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
