I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
