the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
