I will die if light touches me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
