i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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