There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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