Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
