Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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