All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
