Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
