I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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