So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
