I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she woke up with a sticky ear
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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