wakey wakey hands off snakey
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
