My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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