You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize