I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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